Secret father?

Back in May 2009, I posted the blog, Your Joke is In The Mail, when for some strange reason, I started receiving Parents Magazine in the mail. I thought it was funny at first but then it kept coming in the mail, one issue after another. I never bothered to write to the magazine and tell them to stop sending it though because I had never paid for it in the first place. Recently, Parents Magazine sent me a notification that my subscription was almost up and it was time to renew. "Good," I thought, "that will put an end to this weirdness."

Perhaps I thought too soon. In the mailbox waiting for me today was a letter from Gerber Life Insurance.

Yes, that Gerber.

In this letter, the people at Gerber say they know what it must be like for a parent like me.... (a parent like me? huh? Did I miss something here?) They said it is important to insure the life of my child. Sounds like a plan... but what child exactly? Here is a view of part of the letter:

I've had my fair share of girlfriends in my life... is this some kind of prank? I'm really confused about how this all started. I hope I don't randomly end up on an episode of Maury Povich some day soon and if I did, I hope I am able to dance like this guy:

I know my roommate acts like a little kid but this stuff in the mail is a little overboard. So if you are my child, please reveal yourself to me. And if you are a lady interested in discussing the possibility of making a child someday then come see me at an upcoming show!

-Thursday, February 4th, Blue Lagoon, Santa Cruz, 8pm

- Tuesday, February 9th, Seven-Fifty, Stanford, 9pm

- Wednesday, February 17th, Rooster T. Feathers, Sunnyvale, 8pm

- Friday, February 19th, Cypress Clubhouse, San Jose, 8pm

- Tuesday, February 23rd, Zio Fraedos, Pleasant Hill, 7pm

- Wednesday, February 24th, Gaslighter, Gilroy, 7:30pm

- Thursday, February 25th, Morgan Hill Playhouse, Morgan Hill, 7:30pm