Wait...what?

Tonight I went to Stanford to get my degree in comedy. Ok, not exactly. There was an open mic at COHO - which is short for Coffee House. Stanford is clever with their abbreviations. I had been to a few open mics here before but this one probably rates as most interesting. The host wasn't very experienced as an emcee and you could tell just in the way he brought the comedians on the stage. Hey, it is a learning experience for everyone so I don't mean to bash on him - but I would think it be common knowledge that you'd introduce the comedians by their first AND last name. I mean, how are these people going to facebook me? They could have facebooked me right then and there as 40% of the people in the coffee shop were already on their laptops.

So I went up 2nd overall (not including the host) and I told myself that even though the crowd didn't seem to be paying much attention that I was going to do my best for those who were actually listening. I started off by saying, "Make some noise if you go to Stanford!" Easy way for me to get a reaction at the beginning of my set. I then went on to say, "cool, we got a lot of locals here tonight."

After my set, one gentleman told me "nice job" and I said, "thanks." I went to sit down next to fellow comedian, Matt Curry, and a girl comes up to me and says, "I really enjoyed your set and I appreciate that you didn't tell any jokes about getting punched in the vagina."

Wait... what?

I had numerous responses floating around in my head....such as...

"Bitch, I don't have a vagina!"

"Thanks, so uh...can I punch you in the vagina sometime?"

But I refrained from saying either of those and just said "Thank you" as I think she meant that she was glad my jokes were of the cleaner variety. The comedian before me told an ample amount of masturbation jokes.

The open mic goes on with first-name introductions and it ends with an Asian comedian wearing a Cal shirt. I tell Matt Curry, "he's Asian so he made the wrong turn and came to Stanford." The crowd left was giving him crap as you might expect. One guy yelled, "Tell a joke!" It made me laugh but feel a little bad too as the guy was telling what he thought were jokes.

Then a guy from the audience yells out that he wants to do some jokes. Alright, a brave soul wanting to try out his material is always nice to see! Except.... the dude was just rehearsing jokes that he saw on websites... like the one about the twins and the Wal-Mart greeter and the one about Denise and De-nephew.... The sad thing is a lot of people laughed as if they never heard the jokes before. One guy even had to explain the Denise and De-nephew joke to his girlfriend. And this is Stanford? If this was a working comedian and not some random guy going on stage...he probably would have been banned at many a club.

You never know what you'll see and/or hear at an open mic so it is best you pay attention.

Check me out in these upcoming shows:

November 6 - Plan B in Sunnyvale, 8:30pm, Free

November 10 - Blue Lagoon in Santa Cruz, 8pm, Free

November 14- Quarterfinals of the Battle of the Bay Comedy Competition at the SJ Improv. Come vote for me! Get tickets here.